Last year was all about exploring new things and really pushing ahead with life after marriage. As a result, I tried a few things, filled out my wardrobe, built a positive relationship, and made some new friends. 2025 was definitely full of plenty of fun moments. However, outside of these things it was a bit tough and I felt myself in freefall. Work hit a real low, my body let me down big time, and I struggled with parenting routines on my own. It meant that the day to day was a hard slog at times, especially without having the ability to work out my frustration at the gym. I found trying to compensate by spending money and chasing any positive hit I could at times. This was bad enough, but it was often these times that dysphoria would also rear its ugly head and make everything that much worse. So now I am trying to arrest the slide and build a bit more stability.

So, my focus for 2026 is partly to really concentrate on routines and find a bit more balance. Hopefully, that will allow me the opportunity to focus on the things that  I’m passionate about and are important for my long term wellbeing.

Prioritising writing

This has always been my passion and after getting published for the first time a few years ago, I hoped it was a sign of things really taking off. However, my lack of focus and everything else going on means I really haven’t written all that much in the last two years. The sum total of my work is 8 short stories, a handful of poems and probably a few days editing my novel. Sure out of those 8 stories two have been shortlisted at this point with the second in print by the end of the month but it is hardly a great output. So, while work is looking pretty depressing I need to build some stability and routine with my writing, both to put together the collection of LGBTQIA stories I am slowly building and refining my fantasy novel. I just need to commit and schedule some time each week so that I can actually make some of my dreams a reality.

Building stable routines

This is the main thing that is going to bring more stability to my life and is something I struggle to maintain. A rotating weekly parenting plan and my focus on spending time with my boyfriend in 2025 made this even harder. That being said towards the end of last year I did start getting something working in the morning which I need to continue with once I am back at work in 2026. It is not only important for me but helps create some stability for my son which improves his behaviour and attitude in the morning and in turn put more pressure on. It isn’t going to be a perfect fix but maintain a morning routine is going to be a big step in helping me cope this year. However, I have to move be on this in 2026 and start thinking more about nightly routines and weekly schedules especially if I want to continue with my blog, focus more on writing and get back into the GYM. All of which is manageable alongside some down time as long as I have a clear plan otherwise things are quickly going to get left out and forgotten. The thought of which always makes me frustrated and feel pretty negatively about myself.

@jeanb_narrativecuriosity

I never used to be a morning person. Now I have a whole routine… In the past, I have been a bit disorganised in the mornings, and it’s created some problems now that I’m living alone. So, I have finally formed a routine that works and gets me going in the morning. Step 1: A morning workout, which at the moment is a mix of rehab and pilates. This gets me moving and awake but also puts me in a positive mindset. Step 2: Shave, despite all my laser and electrolysis, the best I can manage is a day without using my razer. Just the feeling of regrow makes me a bit dysphoric. Step 3: Shower, i rarely wash my hair in the morning as this is more of a nighttime routine so I can plop the curls. Step 4: Skin care, with all the irritation this is really important, so it is form wash, hydration formula, and moisturising sunscreen in the morning. Step 5: Deciding what to wear. Sometimes, this can be a battle, but I always check the weather as a bit of a starting point. Step 6: Generally, I don’t spend too much time styling my hair, but some leave in conditioner and some product with a little hold for curls with a scrunch does the job. Step 7: Make up! My everyday look has concealer, foundation, and blush as a base. Sometimes, I’ll add in some corrector if needed, or if I am going a bit further, I will do some contouring. I tend to concentrate on my eyes to help feminise my face with eyebrows, liner, and mascara. Most days, I might do a tight line, but I like to play around a little with a bit of colour or maybe some wings depending on my mood. Finish it off with some powder, especially with hooded eyes. This is a must to stop my eyeliner from transferring, but it also just helps it all last. Step 8: Finishing touches, earnings, and perfume, and I am ready for the world. No matter what I have on, the last few months, I have kept pretty tightly to this routine, and it works. Sure, it means getting up early, especially before work, but I’m feeling the benefit. #trans #morningroutine #tgirl #gettingready #transisbeautiful

♬ Get Ready – Orchestral – SUPER-Hi & NEEKA

Dealing instability at work

I mentioned added pressure at work and the whole thing felt like it was in free fall last year. Part of this is likely due to the fact that I needed to take a step back in my career due to my identity two years ago due to harassment and transphobic BS. The injustice still burns. I had hoped that I would get back on track with this job and leave all the shit behind. Sadly last year the same old transphobic nonsense hit hard and alongside a lack of job fulfilment left me feeling pretty disillusioned and apathetic about work. On top of the demands of being a single parent and the issues this caused with work, leave due to medical issues it meant I spent a large period of 2025 tapped out and struggling to get any continuity in what I was doing. The whole combination of things means that for the first time since I was 18, I am seriously considering what to do going forward. Whether I can find the passion again to overcome all the negatives that are outside of my control is really the big question right now, as I can’t keep fronting up the way I did last year. I always told myself that if I lost the motivation to teach or became too jaded by it all, I would know it was time to move on. I might not be quite there yet, but it’s smart to have an escape plan so that when the time comes, I can make the move as smoothly as possible and hopefully find somewhere that is going to work better with everything else I have going on in my life.

Growing a more consistent relationship

Although we have been together for more than a year for most of 2025 I felt like my boyfriend and I were on a bit of a rotation and I was living a double life. The week I didn’t have custody it was all in, we would be going out on the weekend, spending time with each other on the weeknights and compensating for the week ahead of no contact. However, as 2025 went and our relationship has grown into something serious the two parts of my life has started to come together a bit more with as starting to do things together with my son. Hopefully in 2026 this continues to develop and move in the right direction so that we find a new normal that doesn’t feel like a week on / week off relationship anymore. It definitely would add to the stability that I need in part because with him around more I would have access to the support I need when things are going wrong. Yet, relationships are complex at the best of times and with a child it pays to take things gradually so it is still going to be a little while before we can really consider next steps.

Creating finical stability

The last year my spending has been out of control, some of it has been necessary like furnishing my new place, while other parts like my tattoos have been all about expressing myself and engaging with my identity. Either way money well spent. My sense of guilt last year also got the better of my and I have drastically over paying in support with more then double my legal requirement. However, I have also been careless with unnecessary subscriptions and have been doing a fair amount of emotional spending to help lift me out of some negative headspace with a nice shot of endorphins. Combined with everything else it has put a strain on my finances and I now need to get things under control. So we have a new agreement for support in place that is more reasonable while still making sure my son is well provided for and I am looking for the cuts I can make no matter how small as I try to keep in mind the bigger plans I want to achieve. The biggest challenge will be the emotional spending however I hope by finding a bit more stability and routine in other areas of my life that I will be in a better mindset and decrease the dependency on these quick hits of positivity.

Transition plans going forward

HRT is amazing and I have come a long way. Generally, I look in the mirror and see myself. However, when dysphoria hits these days it hits hard and leaves me in a pretty low state. The unfortunate truth is that the things that now trigger this the most are those that require surgical intervention and no matter what else I do aren’t going to change. I assume that it is a fairly common experience that as things improve other areas of distress become more acute or perhaps we simply become more aware of the true causes of our discomfort. It’s why last year I did start serious contemplating the idea of both FFS and bottom surgery, looking into potential surgeons, recovery, complications and the specifics of procedures. The reality of my situation though has meant that realistically it has all seemed a bit of a dream that I might pursue sometime in the future but that’s an attitude that isn’t really getting me anywhere except wishfully researching what seems like a pipe dream. So, with a little push from my boyfriend I am actually going to start putting a plan in place. To start getting my ducks in a row by making some decisions, working out a realistic timeframe and starting to save. I don’t expect anything to be locked in for a few years but working towards this step in my journey is where it needs to start. It will offer me a different kind of stability, a focused goal that I am working towards with all these steps I am trying to take in 2026.

Not exactly a simple set of goals

There is a lot here I feel I need to work on and some of it are things I have simply let slide or just haven’t had the right headspace for in 2025 as started life after marriage. However, it’s a bout progress and not perfection so if I can improve in some of these areas and build just a little bit more stability I know it is going to make a huge difference to my mindset and the things I can achieve this year.