Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?

It was almost impossible to look ahead a year ago with my life in a state of flux. Back then, I had just taken the step to come out to staff ahead of the end of term. Even with the initial positivity, it was still impossible to predict just how comfortable and supportive staff would be going forward. Regardless, the potential of coming out to students in 2023 was an unknown that filled me with a degree of dread. Professionally, I was entering no man’s land.

My personal life wasn’t that much more predictable at the time. A supportive spouse that was trying to still work things out meant I would be going into 2023. I was aware things could still fall apart if we were faced with new challenges. Added to this the emotionally charged prospect of celebrating Christmas for the first time since coming out, and there was more than a casual sense of anxiety.

Thankfully, 2023, although it had its moments, things panned out reasonably well, and life has become a little more predictable.

Managing the school turmoil

The year started positively enough as staff were clearly geniune with their reactions and quickly showed their support. Yet, the real challenge was always going to be students, especially considering the sexist and homophobic environment of the school. It was never a question to come out and live my truth at work, but I don’t condemn others for making that decision. This meant that fairly early into the year I began to make plans.

Unfortunately, some observant students with questions and others stumbling onto one of my social media accounts attempted to force my hand. Avoiding panic and fighting the urge to respond immediately by coming out, I managed to take my time. Ultimately, this allowfamily,ed me to start gradually increasing my femininity and observing student responses to help inform my strategy. It also provided an opportunity to retain control and frame my journey they way I chose. At the right time, I chose to proceed in a way that used my strong relationships with students by speaking to my classes with honesty and respect. This decision and the willingness to engage with well-intended questions went a long way to an initial positive response from my classes.

There were plenty of issues, however, from the larger student body that would deliberately misgender me as I walked through the corridor. Considering the context, it had been far less hostile response than I expected. Even so, the regular comments over the next 6 months did definitely start to wear me down. As a result, in combination with some other reasons, I made the decision to move on from 2024. This was not the desperate attempt to escape a discriminatory environment that some probably imagine but a more measured and planned movie. As such, I was circumspect with my job search and looked to continue to progress with my career. Ultimately, after a few interviews, I have been successful and expect a more stable work environment next year, starting fresh as me.

Leaving a relm of personal uncertainty

By the end of 2022, as we approached Christmas, it was clear we were going to attempt to make our relationship work. However, there was still plenty of tension and anxiety as we approached the holiday period. These moments have all become somewhat triggering for others as they reflect on what they have lost. This mentality is perhaps the hardest for me to deal with partly because, especially, Christmas is a time to reflect on what we have, and in many ways, the life that people are mourning never truly existed. However, I have come to learn that this is really a matter of perspective, and while I might encourage a positive outlook, it is not unreasonable for others to be upset. So it becomes about minimising negative triggers, giving a little space, and accepting their feelings. Despite this context, Christmas went as well as could be expected with some positive time as an immediate family.

2023 has largely built on our attenps to move forward together and establish a new normal. We are not free of challenge and definitely still have a lot of feelings towards each other that can come bubbling to the surface, but we are back to steering the family ship together. In this way, we are back to talking about our future. Whether that is the next overseas holiday or the steps we can take to tackle raising invest rates, there is the assumption from both parties that we will be together.

That doesn’t mean we aren’t both aware that things could change, especially now I have started HRT, but the chances of a sudden breakup feels a bit more unlikely. This is in part due to our experience working through different issues and challenges over the last 12 months collectively. After all, these shared hardships provide us with proof that we have the ability to support each other but also still work through things guided by similar values.

2024 a year of more predictable change?

The next 12 months promises to be more stable compared to the last 18 months but is still expected to be filled with change. Professionally, I am taking on the usually daunting task of starting a new job and all the upheavel this icorperates while as a family we will be adjusting to having a school age child. This means settling into new routines and restructing out lives a little. However, these changes are predictable and have been part of our future planning now for a good portion of the last 12 months. In this way this promises to be more stable then the attempts at maintaining a status que last year.

The main unknown is the impact of HRT. While the effects on me are predictable to point with nemourse resources showing a timeline of likely changes, the impact on our relationship is perhaps less definitive. As for the most part our roles within our relationship haven’t changed a great deal although the way I fulfill mine has to some degree, for instance I now give my wife a pedicure rather than just a light foot massage. The pontential emotional effects of HRT could facilitate a greater level of change in these dynamic and it will be a an ongoing question about our ability to adapt. Evenso, we are both to some degree prepared compared to some of the twist and turns we have had to deal with over the last few years.

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Read more about my first year in transition and my journey.