Since coming out I have been to more than a few Pride events. Engaging with community early on was important it helped me realise the strength we have together and helped dispel some of the shame I felt. Each event was an important moment in my journey. However, I feel now after almost 4 years that heading to my first Pride march is a little different. It isn’t just one big queer gathering or carnival but a statement and political act. Sure, there will be plenty of colour, fun and music but the main purpose is to show others that we are here to take up space, and we are proud of who we are. Some of this meaning comes from history but mostly I realise I needed to reach a point where celebrating my identity felt right.
The history of pride marches
Marches have always been a political act and Pride Parades or Marches arose directly out of the Stonewall riot. The first in 1970 was to mark the one-year anniversary and from there the movement spread. In Australia the first such event was the 1978 Sydney Mardi Gras which started as a daytime demonstration and was meant to be a celebration of identity however the event was disrupted by an aggressive police action and turned chaotic. 53 marchers were arrested and had their names and occupations published in The Sydney Morning Herald an act of discrimination which cost most their jobs. It was a major moment in the fight for LGBT rights in Australia and which would ultimately lead the decriminalising of homosexuality in NSW in 1984.
Melbourne’s Pride March dates to 1996 and may not have the same historical significance of the Mardi Gras up north but over thirty years it has become day of celebration for our community and an opportunity for political statements. Just last year Transgender Victoria and other organisations choose to boycott the march due to the attendance of Victoria police because of the historical mistreatment police have shown to members of the trans community. Thankfully in a time where the trans community has been under attack these last few years TGV have stood firm and with the withdrawal of Vic pol this year returned to the Midsumma Pride March.
My decision to March
My decision to march has been a bit of a journey. When I came out, my dad accepted it as best he could but was clearly struggling with it all, which was not surprising. One stipulation he did try to put on me at the time was that I wouldn’t march in Mardi gras or anything. At the time it annoyed me a little but didn’t really seem like that big a deal as I hadn’t really pictured myself as some loud and proud icon on just hoped to pass so I could disappear into obscurity. Part of that was that even though I had accepted my truth, I was deeply ashamed and felt like I needed to apologise to everyone. The idea of being proud, proclaiming who I am for the world to see really developed later.
It took some time to start working through the shame. Recognising where it came from and the elements of society that had worked so hard to make me feel this way. Part of that lesson came from connecting with the LGBTQIA community, seeing others celebrate their truth and reject the narratives we had been indoctrinated with. These experiences helped open my eyes and made me more aware of how those around me were reinforcing the shame and guilt, sometimes without realising the effect it had on my own self-worth. Realising this created a fair degree of anger. I was angry at society for the way it represents difference, I was angry at the people in my life that reinforced this negative self-image, and I was angry at myself for apologising for my identity.
However, anger isn’t terribly helpful and while there is still some simmering away, I have needed to get past this too. I need to think about how hard everything is, all the things that I have had to deal with, all the shame I had to work through and reach a point where I am proud of that journey. I can see my strength, my resistance, my perseverance and be proud of that. Only then did I really think about marching last year, a sign to the world that I had reached this point and wanted to show others that it was ok to be ourselves. I was ready, until I caught COVID, the world has a cruel irony, but it meant I had to wait one more year. In some ways in the lead up to last Sunday it didn’t even seem like that big a deal anymore since the last year had all been about embracing visibility. Yet, marching down the street and hearing people cheer made it all very special. To not only show pride in who you are but to be supported by thousands of people for simply embracing yourself is amazing.
I would like to think my dad would make the same stipulation, that he has learned a lot since I came out 4 years ago but to be honest it doesn’t mean as much to me now. Regardless of what others think, I proud about who I am and am happy to share it. Even more, I am happy to be part of a community, a movement that keeps sending an important message, to stand for inclusion and self acceptance.
