When are you most happy?
Aristotle often had a way to succinctly summaries complex ideas, and his views on happiness demonstrate an awareness that individuals must find their own path. However, in a modern sense, to find these moments or interests that make us happy, we need to first embrace ourselves and let go of expectations so that we can experience true joy. In my case, this meant coming to terms with my gender identity and admitting the truth about myself before starting on the path of social transition. This has deepened my own experiences of happiness by allowing me to be more present in these moments. Embracing my truth is not by itself what makes me happy but contributes to the source of joy at what matters most, spending time with my son.
Letting go of expectations
Being a father, like every other role in society, felt like it came with another set of expectations. As the male in the relationship, there were certain roles that people assumed, like disciplinarian and absent bread winners. However, these stereotypes, like many, never sat well with me as I am an incredibly involved and nurturing parent while still providing for my family. At home, this was never an issue, but out in public, I always felt the pressure as usual to present more in line with expectations.
However, after freeing myself from these stereotypes and embracing my truth, I have felt far more comfortable parenting in public. I am willing to be a little nerdy, playful, and a lot more affection. This means whether it is just down at the shops or out at the zoo. I no longer overthink these occasions and just enjoy the moment.
The happiness of shared interests
The most consistent element of being a parent is finding joy in shared pursuits. Thankfully, my son has reached the age that I have introduced him to Star Wars, Fantasy books, pokemon, Footy, Xbox, and Lego. The fact that he has latched on to each of these, just like I did at an early age, is special. He has become so engaged that we spend a couple of hours each day exploring these interests together.
These days, we spend plenty of time working our way through different Lego projects, especially after Christmas. We have had to pace ourselves a little with a couple of bags a day, and it keeps the fun spread out over the holidays. Watching his skills grow over the last couple of years has been amazing. As he has gone from struggling to complete a 4+ set a couple of years ago to being able to complete larger, more complicated 8+ sets without any help, it is special. Yet this is only where the fun begins playing with his Lego, whether it is Star Wars or Ninjago. It is endless. (A hot tip for LEGO fans to keep track of Amazon, as sets are often on sale and we have had some amazing savings especially around Christmas.)
The joy we have together throughout the day is special, just like winding down with a few books on bed. Recently, these have evolved into short stories and graphic novels like Pixie Tricks, Hot Dog or Dragon Kingdom of Wrenly. The fact that he stays enraptured for a whole 10 chapters and wants more means we have plenty of special time together. It means that while some days can be challenging work, it normally ends well.
The joy of new experiences
The greatest enjoyment and source of happiness as a parent is watching the pure ecstasy as he has new experiences. Recently, this was in overdrive during our first overseas trip to Bali. Every day, we were exposed to something new from foreign markets, Hindu temples, and native dances.
More than this, by freeing myself from gender stereotypes, it opened the opportunity for my son to enjoy a wider breadth of experience. This includes getting pampered with a few leg and foot messages, which he absolutely loved. His expression as he melted into the seat was to die for and made our first day. Even after this, getting his nails done with me later was a joy for both of us. These might be some of the latest examples, but regardless of the context, each new opportunity to share something for the first time is amazing.
Of course, there are many other things that give me a sense of joy and happiness, but my son remains a sure-fire long-term sense of fulfilment we all hope for.
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