Living free for the moment -

What does it mean to be a kid at heart?

An inner child often references innocence that is yet to be corrupted by the world, and to me, that is shown through a willingness to act on genuine impulse in search of fun.

Social restriction

As children, we are free from the social confines of our environment. Our behaviour is excused, and we view everything with wondering eyes without being influenced by a religious, cultural, or political lens. As a result, children take everything at face value and are naturally accepting of diversity and individuality.

As a result of this lack of social conditioning, it also means that children have an unbridled ability to engage with people. It is the social behaviours and expectations that we learn growing up that create a level of embarrassment from different interactions with people. This concern about how we are perceived is the source of a large degree of anxiety for many adults and drives a need to fit in with expectations. A common cause of depression is that people fail to meet social expectations.

Children, because of their innocence and freedom from these social structures, do not suffer from the same internal judgements. This is apparent from the joyful abandoned with which they will engage with people and over share. Watching my son during our current trip to Bali take photos of strangers and chat with them with little restraint is proof enough. That this gives him such joy and pleasure is inspiring as a parent. More fascinating as it seems to break through most adults’ social walls, and they respond with a jovial carefree attitude and willingness to be silly that is amazing to see in person.

An exhaustible enthusiasm for seeking joy

Tied to the lack of social restriction is the almost endless pursuit of enjoyment that children have. Their life without responsibilities means that at least while they are young children, they seek out opportunities to experience joy. These moments, once achieved, are almost infectious as their enjoyment and happiness is on display for the world to see. It is this freedom to show their emotions that draws adults into occasionally dropping their societal mask and embracing their inner child.

Once again, I reflect on watching my 5-year-old it is always clear that he wears his heart on his sleeve. Whether it is joy or anger, it is clear how he is feeling. Both emotions are explicable linked to this continual search for pleasure as the main cause of frustration is being blocked from engaging in an activity that brings joy. In some cases, of course, like watching hours of Spider man cartoons, this is about protecting him from things like addiction. However, there times were I like many other parents, would block an activity because of perception or our own schedule. This is never really a justifiable reason to prevent children from experiencing joy, so I get where he is coming from when he starts fuming.

As a parent, the opportunity to allow or facilitate these desires is so powerful. My son, for instance, has been wanting to get his nails done for some time. However, out of fear of how I as a Trans Women would be perceived, I, on several occasions, have diverted his attention. Thanks to my wife over our holidays, he had his opportunity to get his nails done and absolutely loved every secret of it. The whole experience, sitting there for over an hour and getting a full Mani Pedi, was no issue. The aftermath has been thus unending a wave of infectious joy as he looks done at his nails. It really highlighted that we need to embrace this attitude where we can and not stand in the way.

Dickens wrote in a Chistmas Carol about having the freedom of a child, and the more I see my son engage with the world, I recognise the value in that innocence. It is something that, as adults, we have to try and recapture and embrace as much as possible as it holds the key to freeing ourselves from social restrictions and improving our mental health.

Read more of my thoughts on the impacts of expectations.