Pageboy: A private journey that fills the headlines -

As a public figure from an early age Elliot Page has not had the luxury of exploring his identity in a private setting. Since making his debut in ‘Pit Pony’ at the age of 10, the pressures to conform publicly was a consonant fact. This went beyond the usual environment of the school yard that all queer youth know well. The constant media attention that quickly followed the success of ‘Juno’ brought with it a perversive interest in his private life. All this attention adds to Page’s complex family dynamics, uncomfortable interactions with others in the entertainment industry and the casual stalker. As a result, ‘Pageboy’ does not always have a singular focus on Page’s transition which sits in the background but touches on a broader experience of life.

Structure

As is common with a lot of contemporary memoir writing ‘Pageboy’ does not follow a linear structure, instead to an extent it starts from a key moment and retrospectively explores Page’s history. However, while this structure holds generally until events catch up to the starting point it is often broken up by a host of different experiences or events. This means that at times an attempt to follow a singular narrative can become difficult and it might be difficult to follow for some readers. Yet, these tangents are connected through the common ideas that Page is exploring within the section of the main narrative. In this way ‘Pageboy’ follows the ideas, relationships, and emotions rather than events themselves as these are a more significant impact on Page’s journey. Overall, the structure does take some time to get used to at first but overall enhances the impact of Page’s experiences.

A wealth of experiences

The title along with Page’s identity as a transman suggests that issues connected with gender dysphoria, identity and discrimination would be at the forefront of the memoir. This is true to a point as the narrative of Page’s experiences is framed by his ever-present exploration of identity and his place in the world. Throughout his journey, Page endures a broad range of challenges that draws out a wealth of experiences.

The impact of split parents and the negative experiences with his father’s new family is especially strong throughout the memoir and would be relatable to many readers regardless of their identity. As the experience of the outsider within the family and the target of a stepparents fridged and at times hostile behaviour is unfortunately a common enough story. Despite this growing up Page had a clear bond with both parents, but neither was free of complication as Page could not live up to certain expectations.

Added to this difficult family context is the implication of a developing acting career. In part this creates a degree of instability with Page traveling at times between his home in Canada and the States at an early age as well as moving schools. However, this doesn’t seem to be the issue that many would imagine but rather provided valuable opportunities to explore identity and connect with new people. Additionally, memoirs explore the cost of growing fame and success that did create other issues. This includes instances that reinforced Page’s dysphoria and subsequent destructive eating habits as well as the inherent sexism present in Hollywood. These experiences while potentially driven by less relatable circumstances would no doubt resonate with many cis gendered women forced to uphold traditional standards of behaviour and presentation.

The Trans Experience

Of course, amongst these varied experiences is the more focused narrative of Page learning to accept his own identity and come out. Towards this end the memoir maintains a continual reference to his body dysphoria and rejection of feminine stereotypes. Throughout these different instances there is this awareness of a disconnect and uncertainty which is familiar to those of us of trans experience. This feeling of incongruence which we all experience differently that for many, especially those growing up in the 90s we still had no reference point to explain, is layered in most of the experiences explored in the memoir.

In Page’s situation this is linked to his sexual orientation and for at time without a better explanation his perception of self is based around identifying as a Lesbian. In his case, as it has for so many others, it provides an identity outside the heteronormative experience and seems to fit to a degree. However, in the context of Hollywood, Page must keep this version of himself repressed and hidden until finally coming out. This moment does seem to provide some freedom, but the nagging uncertainties and specific elements of body dysphoria continue to plague Page.

In representing this Page makes connections to swim wear and the beach at several points in his memoir both as in his youth and later as an adulty. This hits a powerful cord for Trans readers as many of us have complex relationships with the beach as it is place not only where our bodies are on display one instance where gendered clothing is at its most intense. In Page’s case this is highlighted by a desire to flatten his chest and wear board shorts, an experience shared universally by Transmen. The continual presence of this dysphoria and the instance of joy that Page experiences with a friend at the beach seems to highlight the ongoing trans narrative and leads eventually to his realisation and acceptance.

*Elliot Page is much happier now showing his body, the old dysphoria at the thought of swim wear is clearly gone as his public posts demonstrate.*

Relationships

The large focus of the memoir is the importance and impact of a range of relationships on Page’s developing sense of self and life experiences. These sometimes more fleeting periods of intense interaction around film sets and across different cities highlight some of the transient nature of Page’s life. That is not to suggest that these friends drift out of contact but rather there are a new series of relationships that impact Page in diverse ways along the journey. This also serves to emphasis a more complex understanding of self as Page’s memoir highlights that our identities and understanding of self is not created completely by our experiences as a child but rather is an ongoing process.

Throughout the memoir, Page is unpacking the way different relationships broaden his understanding of self while dealing with the complexities of relationships. In this he chooses at times to focus on the friendships that help support him during various times in his career and personal awakening. However, ingrained more heavily throughout are the complex relationships with his family and several complex romantic relationships. It is often these more problematic links that have the greater impact on Page but his ability to cope with some of these challenges highlights his overall strength of character.

Final thoughts

Pageboy is an often-intense memoir with several confronting moments yet dotted throughout are moments of share joy that reflect Page’s current state of being. The at times blunt and confronting delivery which almost captures the moment whether through a glimpse of outrages or embarrassment adds a refreshing element to what is a powerful account of trans experience, yet at times so much more.

Read my thoughts on a few other Trans experiences Love wins out – Rowan Jetté Knox, It’s all about … Yves Rees and Now that I see you – Emma Batchelor