A large part of my journey over the last three years has focused on finding community and feeling comfortable with showing Pride. It was not easy for me to overcome my own sense of shame to proudly proclaim my identity and it wasn’t a trivial thing at 30 to start trying to connect with a whole new group of people. This was daunting and continues to be gradual process but one that has helped to completely change my mindset and given me the determination to keep going when things have gotten tough. It is why Pride matters, this effect it can have on those that feel alone and need support. Yet, it is the reason so much of cis heteronormative society don’t understand the movement as they can not conceive of the sort of shame so many of us have experienced. Sadly, the events in the US, UK, Hungry and other places along with the decline in corporate sponsorship only serve to highlight why Pride might just be more important then any time since that first riot at Stonewall.

Understanding Shame

There is an inherit shame that has always existed as a member of the LGBTQIA community. Society has for the greatest part of the last 2000 years suggested that we were deviant, sinners, wrong, predators, disgusting, mental ill and so much more. We faced legal persecution, been treated as secondary citizens, and been the target of totalitarian regimes. The message has been made loud and clear, we exist outside the perfect reality that people have created and we are not wanted. This is the fact that all of us have grown up with whether we know the extent of queer persecution or not, we all at one time or another have this feeling that we are less worthy or wrong. Society has made us feel ashamed.

These societal values have been everywhere from the negative representations in film and literature to treatment of the Aids epidemic but it is the ways our families and friends can reinforce these views, even if they mean to be supportive, that drive this shame. My own parents have been great accepting who I am, my mother especially has worked to educate herself and even started to advocate for our community in her own way. Yet, they can not hide the ingrained social views, which unknowingly at different times only deepened my own sense of shame. Whether it was labelling it a shame that one of my friends was gay or the fact that one of my dad’s earliest concerns was that I would be marching in some colourful outfit in a Pride parade says enough. As someone AMAB it was my peer group and older friends that drove this so much deeper, the name calling in the school yard to the open threats bred not only a greater shame but also fear. It is one of the reasons I could not accept myself when I was young. Perhaps why I was relieved when some random information online seemed to invalidate who I was even if I still felt wrong and lost the idea that I might not be LGBT was a sad comfort. This shame has held many of us back and been a driving force behind so much suffering.

Breaking this mindset

The whole movement has it’s foundation in breaking free of this crimpling shame and the need to hide our identity. It is the exact opposite of feeling such deep self loathing and wishing we could be different. It is about accepting who we are, embracing those differences and being able to proclaim it publicly. It is a means of asserting ourselves for our individuality. In a word it is about being proud! Proud of who we are, proud of who we love and proud of each other. At it’s core this is what it has always been about, having that confidence to be out and reject the shame that society has placed on us. As a result, Pride continues to be a protest against the dominate cis heteronormative society as it is a rejection of the narrative they have constructed and continue to try to enforce.

The public nature of this message is only partly one of defiance but rather aims to undo the damage caused by society. It aims to reach all those struggling with their identity, ashamed at the thought that they might be gay, trans, bi or just different in someway and empower them to be themselves. Pride allows them to see that there are people like them out in the world living their best life, that there is a community there to support them. This is what so many of us need at different times, something that shows us we don’t need to be ashamed and their is a beauty in our individuality. It is a message that continually needs to be sent, to reach all those that are too stuck in the shadows, feeling alone and depressed.

In my case breaking free of this shame has been a journey and while I engaged with community early it was about safety and not immediately about connection. I remember my first year or so after coming out I really couldn’t fathom how anyone could be proud of being trans. I definitely couldn’t be proud of myself coming out in my 30s and the impact I was having on others. I was at a dangerous level of self loathing. However, reading about the experiences of others and being more exposed to community on a regular basis this mindset began to change. I could understand the factors that contributed to my own ingrained subconscious transphobia, I could appreciate the strength it took to come out and I could find joy in embracing my true self. Eventually, found the confidence to start attending pride events, to no longer be ashamed of who I am. I still struggle in some ways as at times I still hate being trans due to the challenges it causes but I am proud of my strength and am determined never to be ashamed of it again.

Pride matters more now than ever

The last few years have seen a steady increase in anti-LGBTQIA rhetoric and an increase in hate crime. While this has definitely focused with a cruel intensity on the trans community this has only been out of an effort to disguise the broader shift and attempt to create division within our community. One does not need to look hard to see the undercurrent of basic homophobia in the implementation of book bans, attacks on drag performances, prohibition of flying Pride flags and banning Pride events. All of which we have seen in the last year. These restrictions often sight a desire to protect children which asserts that there is something inherently wrong with LGBTQIA identities and suggests we are dangerous. All of which is an attempt to reaffirm the old social norms.

The attacks on the trans community specifically have gone further as there is a clear attempt to re-establish us as second class citizens under the law and threaten our existence. The bans on gender affirming care, attacks on Trans service men and women in the USA, bans on participation in sport, bathroom bans and the supreme court decision in the UK just go that step further to legally deny us equal rights. That so many people can be led to accept such attacks through scapegoating and fearmongering shows that humanity has seemingly regressed and fails to remember the lessons of history. Even more depressing is that these tactics have been somewhat successful at driving a wedge between our community with ‘LGB without the T’ movements becoming more prominent. It is perhaps a little ironic that a trans woman was integral to starting the Pride movement by throwing the first brick at Stonewall and yet she is being erased from the monument and her community abandoned. It is a sad fact that people will often act to save themselves and in light of the political pressure there are those in the LGBTQIA community ready to throw others to the way side in a rush to be ‘one of the good ones’.

This increase in persecution and division means Pride is perhaps more important then anytime since Stonewall. At it’s core it is a protest movement and a call for equal rights and freedom from persecution. While 64 countries still criminalise homosexuality as of 2024 this fight was far from over but we had been able to celebrate steady progress and many living in western society perhaps felt like we had passed a tipping point. However, what we have seen in the last few years for the first time is the ease at which these hard fought rights can be taken away. It is a stark reminder that as long as prejudice beliefs continue to be prevalent in society there is the potential for politicians to campaign and achieve power based on such views with a mandate to restore ‘traditional’ values. It is why we must reaffirm our resilience as a community and fight harder to retain our rights, to refuse to meekly be stripped of our dignity as human beings. If history has shown us anything it is that appeasement doesn’t work and serves to just embolden opposition, now it is bathroom bans and gender affirming care but next it will be marriage equality. Now like at Stonewall it is the time to take a stand.

Pride is still about optimism

Even amongst these difficult times we can’t lose sight of Pride as a positive movement about empowering others and celebrating our individuality. As we resit the forces that attempt to spread hate and implement anti-LGBTQIA legislation we know that this is not a simply selfish act for personal freedom but an effort to advance the rights of others. It is driven in part to continue to send the message to young people struggling with their own identities that there is nothing wrong with them. It is driven by a desire to support those in need of chosen family and an escape from abusive situations. It is driven by a desire to save lives. And it begins with demonstrating that willingness to exist and proclaim proudly who we are.

It is a message that has changed so much over the last half a century but has seemed to gather so much momentum in the last 20 years. The increase prevalence of people coming out on a daily basis and even the fact that celebrities can be a little less fearful of the impact on their career is amazing. Witnessing this in my own lifetime has been simply incredible especially as a teacher as I see first hand young people comfortably coming out and embracing their identity in a supportive environment. It is something that I could not have imagined growing up in the late 90s and early 00s. This shift may not be universal and there remains a lot of progress still to be made but Pride has made a difference to so many. It is why it still remains so important and needs to endure.