Coming out a year ago, amongst all the great support and desire to understand, my father express the hope that I wouldn’t feel the need to be overly loud and join the Mardi gras scene. At the time I didn’t really think too much about it and it got lost in the overwhelmingly positive reaction my parents had to learning about their daughter. Yet, now a year on as I connect more with the community and understand my own desire to advocate it gets me a little angry. Firstly, as it was once again an attempt to control but more importantly because it suggests that it’s ok to be trans if your quiet about it, highlighting that old notion of shame which we all know too well. Both possibilities really demonstrate the need for pride as we are always continually fighting that internalised sense of worthlessness due to society’s attempt to portray us as deviants.
Embracing Pride
One year on and this is something I have started to embrace, no longer ashamed or guilty of the pain I might have caused just for being myself. I’m not one to be terribly loud and start marching wearing bright or revealing clothes but that is the idea, that we are all free to find our own level. We don’t have to confirm to others’ expectations of pride, in terms of our physical presentation or behaviour. After all the core of pride is that we don’t feel the need to apologies or feel ashamed for who we are. The rainbow is just a way of representing that to others with a recognised symbol. A willingness and even desire to show our colours is still a big step in our journey to conquer our inner demons as it means that we are comfortable enough within ourselves to standout and be identified as queer.
Importance of symbols
However, representing is often more about connection and messaging to others that might still be in the closet or coming to terms with themselves. This highlights the importance of showing our pride. In some ways it is like wearing a sports team’s colours, you put on a jumper, and you connect with your fellow supporters who share certain values and beliefs. Wearing the rainbow is the same, as we relate to a larger group, many of whom have experienced the same discrimination and shame. It also allows allies to show support and help create a safe space by showing some willingness to put themselves in our position. Beyond this Pride symbols are a message that there are others out there for those still trying to figure things out or living in fear, and that their differences are nothing to be ashamed about, instead they are worth celebrating.
Personally, it took a few months to show my colours in the form of a couple of Trans themed lapel pins and since I have extended my confidence and willingness to show my colours. I’m still probably not going to march in Mardi Gras but that’s just because it is not my thing not because anyone told me not to.
Read more on my journey to understand the importance of community
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