Music is a well documented means of expressions as anyone can search for songs that speak to their experiences and their emotions. Whether it is the pump up music for the GYM, the cathartic break up song or some rebellious punk anthems to help empower that inner rebel, music can help us process and express our inner most thoughts. In this way it can help us get some of the toughs moments and even lift some of those dark moods just by giving them that outlet. Coming out and dealing with the ongoing emotional fall out of accepting my true self is no different as their is a range of feelings constantly going through my head that it feels like I’m going to explode.

Voices of the community

A place to start working through some of these emotions was obviously drawing on the music from members of the LGBTQIA community. It’s one of the reasons why after a couple of months I created a trans and non – binary playlist, to explore and express some of my thoughts . However it also served as an opportunity to connect and learn a bit more about rainbow culture as I felt on a steep learning curve at times and eager to fit in. The challenge here is that sometimes our desire to fit in with specific subcultures might lead us away from our identity and musical taste as we try to uphold certain stereotypes. Balancing this is probably why my list has a bit more a darker moody edge then what people might expect from a Rainbow playlist but I have to be true to myself.

Considering some of my challenges in the last couple of years it perhaps wasn’t surprising that I gravitated towards a few specific trends in building this playlist. Almost from day one I was drawn to Kim Petras both for the empowerment of seeing a successful trans woman flaunt her stuff but also the darker tones of ‘Turn off the light’. Songs like “Tell me its a nightmare” that deal with elements of toxic relationships and “wrong turn” which symbolises taking the wrong path which is definitely something that has occupied my thoughts at different times. Although perhaps more about a bit of fun, even in Petra’s more explicit tracks I find an outlet for that desire to explore and liberate myself. Of course there are others tracks that speak a lot about different things, whether it is G Flip’s “Drink too much” which connects to the guilt I feel about my relationship situation or Ryan Cassate’s “Gender Binary (Fuck You)” a great outlet for some of that anger it shows that many of these tracks speak for me.

Rediscovering Music from the past

My experiences has also seen me really rethink some of my old favourites and perhaps why I may have gravitated towards them back in my teens. Possibly the most notable of these is Linkin Park since so many of the classics deal with ideas of identity and conforming to expectations. In my teens I wrote this all off as normal rebellion and angst with the outlet found in screaming some awesome lyrics. However, these days I realise that tracks like “Somewhere I belong”, “Papercut” “Numb” and “Crawling” almost perfectly represent how I felt for a long time. None of these songs are specific references to coming out and being LGBTQIA but obviously speak to key universal themes of self acceptance and belonging. Perhaps the general nature of these themes is testament to the song writing that millions of people from different experiences can find an opportunity to express themselves and release some pent up rage. Especially at the moment this seems like the perfect thing as I constantly feel like screaming into a void and least this way it is a proving to be a bit more cathartic than other alternatives.

All need to find a voice

I think in reflection these days I recognise that we all need an outlet and a way to express our thoughts. Some of us might have things like blogging and be willing to share but music is always a great option. Especially, in those moments when we just need an easy and accessible way of dealing with some things.