The best definition for gender euphoria is the comfort or joy that we feel when we present as our true self and is a well-known experience in the trans community. However, it is hard to explain in a way that people outside of a trans experience can really appreciate it. The definition does little to capture how euphoria is different from a normal experience of happiness. To try and bridge this gap a little and allow a bit of insight, I decided that sharing experiences might help people relate a bit more.

It’s too good to be true

Before coming out, I was active on a wealth of social media platforms and had come across numerous experiences of euphoria. Most of these spoke about incredible heights and seemed too good to be true from where I was at that point the idea of experiencing such joy from simple things like wearing a dress was a step too far. I was skeptical, so coming out was about addressing negative feelings rather than any real expectation of achieving happiness.

In the preceding months before finally coming out these negatives intensified and one of the most significant triggers was going to the gym. This was connected to the gendered nature of these environments from change rooms, women’s only workout space and of course activewear. These visits became increasingly hard as I long to be able to express myself. As a result, active wear was one of the first things I looked to purchase to experience some freedom even if it were just to jump on the exercise bike at home.

I was completely overwhelmed by the feeling as it was an almost instantaneous sense of profound joy. Initially putting on my new clothes was the start of something new but looking in the mirror and a glimpse of the real me, that was the moment. As someone that is normally understated with expressing emotion to find myself giddy and almost jumping for joy was extraordinary and beyond my imagination. It was the first time that I was confident that this was the right path eased the doubts that were running through my head at the time.

Having found a space early into my transition that gave me an ability to go to the gym as myself has been has allowed it to become an ongoing affirming experience. One that continues to give me regular lifts in my mood and instances of euphoria, never getting back to that first time but still something special.

The milestone moments

Along our transition journey there are predictable milestones, some of our major events like starting HRT which we might have to delay. Yet others have similar first-time experiences like spinning in a skirt for the first time. Since these moments are predictable and many are discussed in the forums, we can fall into the trap of building them up in our mind. This means that we can chase hits of euphoria through specific events, however each person’s experience is different. A trigger for one person’s gender euphoria can and will be different for others. The danger here is that by chasing such feelings we can find ourselves in a more negative space.

Finding my triggers

The smarter alternative is to discover through the cause of new experiences what triggers my euphoria. Over time I have had a plethora of instances where I have a wave of joy like that first time. Some of these are always going to be a first-time hit while others are easily repeatable experiences like going clothes shopping with my girlfriends or getting my nails done. Having identified these triggers along with others I can often plan activities to help deal with periods of a significant drop in mood and has helped my ability to manage.

Everyday unexpected euphoric moments

There are times when it is impossible to really put my finger on anything specific, but I am basking in the warm rays of euphoria for most of the day. The fact that it is unexpected during a mundane sort of day doing things around the house and going food shopping makes it that much better. It’s these natural moments that are more meaningful since there isn’t any burden of expectation. However, what makes it the best feeling is the validation it gives me about my progress since something in the cause of the day has made me feel good about being myself.

I’m hopeful that as my journey continues these moments become more regular and sustained, even perhaps part of just my normal sense of self.

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Read more about my journey connecting to community and finding a safe space.