Writing for competitions always presents an additional set of challenges. A set word count, specific themes and genre can all be limitations and part of a specific brief. In the case of the Mansfield Readers & Writers annual competition the theme ‘soul’ quickly spoke to me. As a trans woman the idea of an inner soul or sense of self that doesn’t fit with a person’s assigned gender at birth and our internal conflict had an immediate appeal.

However, as a competition for fiction I didn’t want to explore these ideas from the perspective of an adult and connect the protagonist with my contemporary experience. Instead, I wanted to reflect more on the experience of a teenager in part because the compartmentalised nature of life in adolescence is easier to explore in a limited world count than the complexities of adult responsibilities. In addition, the prospect of shinning a light on the experience and complexity of trans youth had its own appeal, especially in the current context. The opportunity that readers might build more of an appreciation for trans kids, their relationships and their struggle with identity was a big motivation once I started to flesh out ideas.

The story itself.

As part of this story, I wanted to draw on a little of my experience growing up in single sex environments that often-had elements of toxic masculinity. In this context I really wanted to emphasis the discomfort a range of people feel. The important part for me in this opening section of the story was that the protagonist’s background was ambiguous and therefore their experience of this environment can easily speak for the for a lot of diverse groups. Part of this also draws on some of my own learning in education that this masculinity is often performed and therefore I wanted to not only indicate that our protagonist ‘Alex’ had attempted to do this at times to fit in but also imply that this example of masculinity could also just be performance.

As we delve more into the Alex’s life beyond this environment as he travels home and the possible escape of his video games, I look to explore some of the complexities of trans youth. Once again, I chose to show this through Alex’s interaction with a supportive friend that obviously knows the truth about our protagonist. Through these messages the complex relationship with Alex’s father is introduced as well as the stereotypical perception of his friends that struggle to really comprehend the seeming conflicting interest in cricket and Alex’s identity. Not only do I hope this raises questions about stereotyping and assumptions but also explores the nature of allyship in a way that might challenge the way this looks.

This conversation foreshadows the last section of the story as Alex is having a conversation with his father. In this instance I really wanted to drive home the complexity of parental relationships with LGBTQIA kids. In one way Alex does have a clear connection with his father through cricket but is aware that his father may perceive his interest in sport as a sign of fitting in with masculine expectations. Deliberately their conversation is focused on this one interest to highlight the inability to connect on more personal topics and therefore demonstrate the distance between them,

It is not until the end of the story that I reveal that Alex is a trans girl still largely in the closet. This in part was to focus the story as an exploration of the experience of trans youth while maintaining an ability to represent many experiences within the LGBTQIA community. In this moment I also chose to return to an earlier theme of stereotypes as Alex adopts a female avatar online gaming with her friends. This is a common enough experience in the trans community as the proliferation of MMORPGs in the 90s become an outlet for many, including myself as we could create representations of our true self. In this instance I am obviously reaffirming the stereotype of trans experience while earlier subverting the idea that trans girls must be overtly feminine and not interested in sport. Overall, this suggests that different individuals might demonstrate some community but not others and are still valid within their identity.

Publication and Reception

The fact that ‘An Inconsistent Line’ was long listed in the Mansifield Readers and Writers competion is a significant moment in journey as a writer. Firstly, as it brings with it my first publication of a piece of fiction through an inclusion in the ‘Soul’ Anthology with 19 other stories. This is a validation of my writing and craft which gives me the added drive to pursue my work in an increasingly professional sense. Secondly, considering the themes and content of the story that it has been recoginsed and will be published demonstrates a willingness and desire to connect with trans experiences. In this way, I am encouraged by the chance to educate others and build more understand of the complexity of trans lives especially trans youth.

Obviously, It would be amazing to see people purchase the anthology since there are likely to be many great takes on the theme and to show support for the Mansfield Readers and Writers competition. However, for those after reading this that are simply interested in reading ‘An Inconsistent Line’ it will be published online through Narrative Curiosity as subscriber only content in the coming weeks.