Considering it is Bi Awareness week I thought it was about time to talk about the other part of my identity and the fact that at times we seem like an outsider within the community. The term bisexual dates back to the 19th century and has long been established as a valid identity along the spectrum of sexuality and has always been part of the modern rainbow community. However, even though the B occupies a prominent part of the acronym those of use that identify as bisexual often are meet with scepticism and doubt from other members of the queer community as well as the wider community. This is potentially because we can be viewed as crossing the divide and in many cases never really come out or face the discrimination that other members of the community have experienced. At the least this thinking does tend to invalidate our own sense of identity and means that many of us will never engage with the LGBTQIA community as simply we feel like pretenders.

The perception of bisexuality

The word generally attempts to categorise things into neat little groups, in this case homosexual or heterosexual and really struggles when a binary concept is shattered. This means that identifying as someone that is attracted to multiple genders becomes a problem that a lot of people really struggle with since it destroys their nice little view of the world. As a result those of use that identify as bisexual can be dismissed and belittled as confused, experimenting, living in denial or pretending from both sides of this sexual divide. Even people that accept the realty of bisexuality often have this stipulation that to be valid in our identity we need to have done the deed. This sort of perception and it’s proviolence in society serves to really invalidate our internal sense of self and forces us to question our own identity especially when we are trying to work this shit out. Even if we are confident with who we are it means that like any other queer identity there is a lot of trepidation around coming out both because we risk the usual rejection of our family but also might not find the support we would like within the community. It is like we occupy a bit of a no mans land sometimes of our own making.

My Experience

Personally, I have identified as Bisexual since I was finishing school but didn’t really advertise this to anyone after all I have been in heterosexual relationships so there didn’t seem the need. However, there were a few people that knew and accepted me which really seemed enough for the most part. Part of me was comfortable hiding and avoiding the possible confrontation with my family however it did really impact my opportunities to meet people especially since I wasn’t very outgoing. As I got older and involved in a committed heterosexual relationship it seemed to be even more of a unnecessary complication so I just kept my identity to myself. At the same time I also had an increasing number of gay and lesbian friends which gave me a connection to community without really being part of it. It meant that at times I wished to come out and be seen but also felt like I would be seen as a fraud.

In my case it hasn’t been until I have come out as trans that I have really owned my sexuality. Initially having faced the upheaval of starting my transition admitting to people that I am bisexual seems relatively minor. More importantly the resulting journey of self discovery and learning more about Jeanette has really meant that I recognise now that my sexuality is an important part of my identity. Additionally, as a trans women I feel more valid as a member of the LGBTQIA community regardless of my sexuality and therefore don’t feel the same imposter syndrome I experienced when I was younger. This means that all the thoughts that invalidated my identity like the perception of others are no longer important and I can just embrace all parts of myself.

Bi acceptance

The reality is that many people that identify as bisexual may never have this moment or even if they are out could still be facing a level of rejection. The bottom line is that society needs to learn to stop invalidating others just because their experience or identity is different. This is also still the case for the LGBTQIA community as the fact that you may only be attracted to women and identify as a Lesbian doesn’t mean that someone else can’t be attracted to multiple genders while being in a same-sex relationship. One person’s knowledge of self should never invalidate someone else, after all we are all different. We need to trust people to work themselves out and recognise that they are best positioned to understand there sexuality or identity. That is how we help to make others feel valid and included under the rainbow.