The last step in my social transition: Facebook

Social transitioning is a terrifying prospect at the best of times and unfortunately for many members in the trans community an impossibility. To even contemplate going out in any situation like us there needs to be some perception of safety. It is for this reason that many choose to begin medical transition before they venture out or tell many people so that increase the possibility of passing and avoiding some of those odd looks.

In my case having to delay medical transition wasn’t really an option and even if that hadn’t been the case, I doubt I would have taken it much slower. Once I came out and went through the emotional turmoil, I just wanted to through myself into self-discovery and living my life. After three days I was buying clothing in public, a week later a joined a trans and queer gym, after about a month I was wearing female jeans and tops most of the time in public, after 8 months I got my legal name change finalised and just over saw me coming out to students. This marked an end point of sorts as it meant that in everyday life, I was completely out and living as my true self. However, it wasn’t finished, one step remained, Facebook.

Simply it wasn’t a priority

Realistically Facebook had never been a priority, in my old life, as an extremely guarded and private person I was barely active. It wasn’t until I contemplated coming out that I really wanted to use social media at all to connect with people, to find community and the guidance a baby trans person needs. Of course, wanting to keep things separate at this stage, I created a new account which quickly became my primary one, Afterall this was the real me. As such having connected to an online community and slowly adding some new friends along the way I had the outlet I needed and found a place where I could share some more private elements of my journey, that aren’t quite fit for public consumption. This meant that coming out on that old account was just not important, especially considering everything else that was going on.

Building it up in my mind

At some stage, however, as my mind started to think about the old account it started to become a more significant step, a public admission that this was who I am, not just to strangers but many people from my past. Of course, with Facebook friends there is of course a larger level of uncertainty compared to people we know well and can more accurately expect their support. Whether we were just work colleagues or knew each other in high school it’s likely that we don’t really know each other’s politics, religious beliefs or prejudices which means the reaction is unknown. I was luckier than some, having had a school friend that had walked this path ahead of me but still there were a lot of people I knew from other parts of life. This uncertainty has the potential to really develop a sense of apprehension and for some even fear, as we worry about the possible negative responses. In this sense there is the chance of waiting too long as it could build up over time.

Everything and Nothing

Finally, taking this last step was a massive moment in my journey as it did symbolise the completion of my social transition but also perhaps the biggest non – event. Since it was a big step as the end of one part of my journey it, I took a degree of care, rereading and editing the message I had written more than a year before hand, making sure to represent both my truth but my desire to maintain these connections into the future. After several revisions I would say that it become a crafted piece both in terms of emotional honest but also elements of persuasion, which really shouldn’t surprise anyone as an English teacher. Then the moment came, I checked my friend count and hit enter. Really, I expected some support, the odd negative comment and probably a few people to quietly defriend me. What I got wasn’t some massive uproar which was comforting but enough positive support that made my day, especially from some of my oldest friends and not a single drop in my friend list. It just shows that even when there is a huge level of uncertainty people can surprise you in incredibly positive ways. Now I am not naive enough to imagine that this is everyone’s reaction but, in the moment, I realised that it was not worth the worry I had developed in my mind yet at the same time it was still a huge moment and I owe those Facebook friends a degree of thanks and respect for making it a positive one.