As a parent the impact of my transition on my family and specifically my son was one of my major considerations. Ultimately, I knew that continuing to live as my assigned gender at birth was not going to end happily. So making the decision to live my truth and desiring to attempt to keep my family together and at the very least maintain a good relationship with my son was paramount. At the time, my son was 3 which meant finding ways to introduce him to ideas including gender diversity, self expression and transition. As almost any parent’s will tell you picture books are amongst the best way to explore new ideas with preschool aged kids and is a time homered tradition to discuss emotions, new siblings and even things like hygiene. Therefore I knew it would be an effective way to slowly introduce ideas to my son but I still needed to find the right books. So here are the ones I have found helpful …
1. She’s My Dad – Sarah Savage
This was the last book I introduced to my son and ultimately led to him making connections between the character ‘Haley’ in the book and I. In reality reading this book was how I eventually came out to my son since it was very relatable to our situation. The opening image of ‘Haley’ preparing breakfast in the morning was almost a perfect representation of our family dynamic which continued with an emphasis on painted nails and growing out my hair which were steps that my son was well familiar with by this stage. However, this relatability won’t work for everyone yet the way ‘She’s My Dad’ introduces a range of elements is effective an uncomplicated.
Perhaps what is most important is the overall message of the story which is two fold. Primarily that transition doesn’t change the way parents feel about their children, that no matter what we still love them same, potentially even more through the creation of new bonding experience. Tied to this is the second message which become more overt through the end of the book which is the importance of respect as part of a loving relationship. All in all, the message and the relatability meant this was the most important book for me.
Of course for the trans mascs out there there is the alternate version ‘He’s my mom’ which no doubt covers a similar message from this slightly different perspective although I guess with probably less nail polish.
2. Jack, not Jackie – Erica Silverman
Obviously looking at transition from a female to male perspective this was still a great book for my son to understand the idea that people do not always identify with their gender assigned at birth. The book is written from the perspective of Jack’s older sister , Susan, as she tries to understand her little brother. At first this means that Susan attempts to encourages Jack to act more girly but over the course of the story realised that she actually has a brother and learns to accept Jack for who he is. The fact that the story is from an observers perspective much like ‘She’s my dad’ is effective as it clearly steps young readers through the idea of accepting others. Additionally this acceptance is shown as a gradual process with a clear degree of initial resistance on Susan’s part which I think is an important an relatable element so kids in these situations feel encouraged to take there time.
On a personal note, my son connected and enjoyed this book more than others with a Female to male character. This is possibly due to added degree of distance or perhaps the activities that Jack enjoyed were far more relatable to him as a young boy then those in other books. Regardless, it was definitely effective for introducing the concept of transition.
3. I am Jazz – Jazz Jennings
The picture book version of Jazz Jennings story is a colourful exploration of a young girl being given the freedom to be herself. Unlike, ‘Jack, not Jackie’ this book put the reader in the position of the transgender individual as it explores from Jazz’s perspective her journey to be herself. It once again clearly represents the idea that people are not always their gender assigned at birth but highlights that this can be the source of negative emotions as Jazz acts out when she is forced to wear boy clothes. In addition, it also touches on the potential for discrimination both out of a confusion from Jazz’s teachers but also as she becomes the target of bullying. These more dense and negative elements of trans experience are only given a small reference but allows for a broader discussion if desired but the tone of the story remains overwhelming positive as Jazz is able to celebrate the opportunity to be herself.
In my circumstance there are few considerations to think about with ‘I am Jazz’. Firstly, Jazz’s experience as a young child could potentially led to the stereotypical conclusion that trans people know at an early age. This is an argument that has been used to invalidate people in the past and while it is not the intent of the author if reading ‘I am Jazz’ in isolation it could have implications here. In addition, the book is quite girly at times which means it might lead to a bit of strong reaction of some boys. This was not too much of an issue with my son as we had always tried to expose him to range of interests and avoid ‘gendering’ activities.
4. My shadow is pink – Scott Stuart
This was the first book I read to my son that touched on the idea of gender non conformity as it serves as a more subtle representation of gender. In this book the main boy recognises that he has a pink shadow rather than a blue on like all the men in his family. His shadow which is representative of his “inner most you” likes dancing and wearing dresses things that aren’t for boys which makes him ashamed. This all comes to ahead when he goes out in a dress and he becomes embarrassed. His father accepts him for his pink shadow and supports him to return to school in a dress, Once again in this book we see a clear emphasis on the importance of acceptance and the book introduces a broad range of diversity through the characters relatives whom have different shadows that might not always fit with expectations.
The subtly of this book works really well and is very non threatening so I found it was a great starting point by just introducing ideas about diversity and variation. A supportive father figure was also an added bonus as it reinforced the strength in our relationship and the idea that we accept each other. Overall it was a good story and one that my son request after our first few read throughs however it obviously has its limitations as it doesn’t explicitly deal with transition and is once again focused on a child’s experience. Even so it also has the added benefit of a more general relatable message to accept ourselves and not be ashamed which is something every child should learn.
Honourable Mentions
There are of course others but I have simply chosen to highlight the key books I found useful to introduce the idea of transition and have some discussions with my son. Some other good titles include; My Maddy (Non binary parent), Julian is a Mermaid (gender non conformity), My Shadow is Purple (Non Binary) and Introducing Teddy (transgender).
The ideal collection of books is always going to be dependent on the specific circumstance and the ideas that you want to introduce to your child. There are definitely some really good ones out there but I would recommend always sticking with books based around a story rather than simply education about terminology which may come later. Firstly, as an engaging story will allow children to make connections and have in interest in the book which will allow for better discussion and secondly it allows for a greater likelihood of repeat reading.
At the end of the day, books alone are never going to mean kids accept changes without any issues and my own situation is still an ongoing journey but it is a good starting point. It provides a language and a space for these discussions which allows for things to be less confronting and more gradual. Hopefully this list finds a few people that need it because I know a couple of years ago this sort of thing would have been a god send.
Leave a Reply