Transition is a marathon, not a sprint, and this means that we are almost always learning. It’s not all about introspection, and so much of this journey can be a lot of fun. Especially in the case of transwomen we often have a step learning curve understanding women’s fashion, adjusting to long hair, make-up, nails, and more. Now, becoming an expert in all these aren’t necessary both for a person to be valid or even to pass. However, working this stuff out can be a lot of fun.
Make up
Working out makeup can seem like a bit of a mountain. There is a lot to learn and a lot of different information out there. However, it can also be a lot of fun as it is a chance to find different looks and express ourselves in a new way. The secret is to not put too much pressure on, especially in the early days. This means a few things:
- Give yourself time to practice
- Don’t invest in expensive products at the start
- Be prepared to laugh at yourself
- Engage with a supportive feed
- Don’t be afraid to try something different
As someone who has taught myself everything I know about make-up until now. These pointers have really been the key, firstly by just taking some time to play around and practice things without planning to go out and affordable products decreases the pressure to get it right. It gave me the space to screw things up and not worry about wasting money or the pressure of going out in public. In fact, there are still times when I just set aside time to practice a few different things that is really affirming and fun.
Sure, there are a lot of youtube videos with guides for different looks and specifically for trans women, which are great. However, approaching any of these is with a ridged mindset or an expectation that you will nail it first time is problematic. My own look and skills are really a result of a few ideas from different sources, some feedback from friends, and also just working out what works for me. Having this supportive environment is really important. In my case, this was not at home as my wife always had very restrictive views about make -up. Thankfully, I did have a few great friends to share photos with, get some tips, and even practice with them, which is amazing. Sadly, not everyone has this, and there are a lot of trans women out there having to seemingly go it alone, which is where some safe online spaces can be a really great space for support, something with active mods like a good sub-reddit is always a good starting spot.
Fashion
Most of us go through a bit of a baby trans phase where we are wearing plenty of pink, ultra feminine things that probably don’t match. It is a bit of fun and a great sense of release as after finally coming out, we can go wild. The sad truth is so much of this makes us stick out and also sometimes just doesn’t look any good. I didn’t really get to embrace this waky pink phase much but would always suggest revealing in the fun of it all. It’s still a chance to learn. You might find that pink is really not your colour, but you like a short skirt or don’t feel comfortable showing you shoulders. These are all valuable insights to what you like that you can incorporate later when you’re building a proper look / style. The other advice I would give here is to do a little research about your body shape and the shorts of styles that might be faltering. This definitely helps to cut down trying on things that are never going to work and makes it easy to find a dress that just gives you that amazing hit of euphoria, it is why I where a lot of a-line dresses.
Once you’re ready to get serious, it is really about taking all this information and then paring it a bit with some situational research. There are different styles for work and out clubbing, and if we want to ‘fit in’ or ‘pass’, it is about having these different looks. The best starting point to understanding this is to be observant and look at what other women are wearing at work, for instance, and take some inspiration. Now, the trick is often to blend the things you like and this observational data into something that works for you in these different situations, and this is where experimenting is really important sometimes you may go a bit to far with a particular outfit but treat it is a learning experience for next time.
Nails
Doing my nails was something from very early in my transition that I fell in love with. The experience, the process, and the result were really important for me in those early days. However, it is definitely not for everyone and might be just something that you try to get done on occasion. After all, experimentation is about finding out what works and what we like, so try and resit the pressure to conform to a stereotype. In terms of my journey with nails, I quickly learned I didn’t like anything too understated, especially when it comes to colour. Subdued pinks, reds, or more natural tones were just not me, I needed colour first and for most. So I have always gone for Greens, blues, and the occasional statement red/pink. I like my nails to be noticed, to match a lot of the colours I wear because it just makes me smile. Sometimes, bright colours are not enough for me, and I need to mix it up . Whether it is with a little sparkle or trying some combinations, it is amazing how many people will comment when you have one nail a different colour and it is an easy way to play around with something different. The thing is to just give it a go. Thankfully, nail polish is fairly easy to take off, so if you do a rough job or just don’t like the look, it’s no harm done. That is, unless you made the mistake of going to the salon for the first time experience without already playing around at home, then this could be a bit of a waste.
Of course, there are a lot more to learn and play around with once you have a bit of colour palette. Do you like having long nails? Can you grow them out (very frustratingly, mine always break)? Are you ok with false nails? Do you want to try something like SNS? How about a bit of nail art? These are all things to learn with a bit of experimentation and practice. However, like with make-up and fashion, look at ways to reduce the pressure. Don’t spend money on some amazing long arlyic coffin nails if you haven’t tried some inexpensive press ons first, see whether you like the shape, and do having nails that long actually work for you. If you love them but they come off too easy, you know the answer. You should always play around with low-cost options (recognising their limitations) before over committing as this is the best way to avoid disappointment.
Hair
This one, unlike the others, is a bit more of a necessity. Obviously, the tendency for most of us is to grow our hair out, afterall long hair is seen as naturally feminine. The time this takes can be frustrating, so many trans women will look at investing in wigs. Personally, that wasn’t my route, but I can see how it would be a good way to experiment with length, colour, and even practice styling. So I definitely support this, but I would also advise playing with what you have after all it helps when it comes to hair care. In my case, I just tried different things as my hair grew out. The only days were hard, especially as I tried to make short hair a little more feminine, but a long the way, I definitely found a few looks and lengths I might go back to one day.
Once it started getting long enough, I needed to think a bit more about my long-term style, especially since my hair was surprisingly curly. All those photos I like with magnificent straight styles just went going to work for me on a daily basis. Once again, it is time to look for some inspiration from shows, celebrities, and just people down the street. In my case, I firstly, I worked out that I liked some bangs / fringe over one eye. I have always liked the mysteriousness of this and found it alluring. Secondly, I liked the attitude of an undercut, especially the full side look. So when I did decide to do something specific, these two components all became part of it. As someone who grew up with blonde hair, I felt like it was worth trying a balayage as well. Now, the next step is playing around with some colour, something bold as well but not necessarily something permanent to start with. After all, I am all about minimising risk with my experimenting, so I have gone with some hair chalk and am going to try some other temporary options before I take that plunge.
Of course, even once you’ve had a haircut you like, you may want to mix it up a little. There are different ways to tie it back, maybe putting it up. This is where taking the time to play around at home and potentially learn some skills is important. In my case, that includes working out the best way to get the most out of my curls from scrunching to plopping and using different products. It’s all been a bit of an experiment and again one where the internet is a great source of guidance and tutorials. So have some fun with it all and just see what works for you.
Hopefully, anyone reading this and starting out in their own transition might be inspired to have a little bit of a play with a few things. It can be such a great source of euphoria and is by far the best way to find out about yourself.
